All the feels. My kids are the best. I miss them SOOOOOOO much!!
(Z did this video almost all by himself!)
All the feels. My kids are the best. I miss them SOOOOOOO much!!
(Z did this video almost all by himself!)
Overall we have had a quiet week here in the hospital. Kai definitely has his ups and downs. He has times of being in pain, and times of being frustrated and wanting to go home. We are both missing the rest of our crew at home.
He also has times that he is really feeling okay. Actually with everything that he has been through, and the number of stitches that he has right now, I think he is doing GREAT. I think if I were in his position, I wouldn’t want to move. This poor kid has not actually had real food in a week! (And still more days to go). That would be enough to make me super cranky, but he mostly just sweetly asks if he is allowed to eat today, and accepts it when I tell him “not yet.”
Jeff had to leave on Wednesday, so that he could go home to be with the rest of the kids. We were SO sad to tell him goodbye.
Starting yesterday we were allowed to leave our unit and go to a playroom on our floor. Just leaving our room was so nice, and Kai had a great time. We even went to a music class. Kai was not impressed.
I, on the other hand, have been incredibly impressed with everyone at this hospital. I feel so good about the decision to travel for his care. They have even been sensitive to the extra issues that could arise due to his being adopted.
Luckily there has been a steady stream of adoptive moms who have traveled here before me that have helped to pave the road. I cannot explain how much it means to hear a nurse ask me relevant questions about his adoption, his connection, and his emotional needs. Even in the waiting room during his operation they were sure to come to me to say that they would be sure to get me to him as quickly as possible when he was taken to recovery. Sure, all kids need that, and all parents want to be with their children as soon as possible, but what they were expressing was an awareness that some of these emotions are more acute in adopted children. Birth children, in general, just have an innate sense that their parents will always be there to care for them, and if separated they believe that it is temporary. Adopted children with a traumatic past just don’t have this innate sense. As much as we can love an reassure them, they don’t have the security that their life is safe and permanent. They already have life experience teaching them that it isn’t.
There is no question that this has been a traumatic experience for Kai. He still cries with fear almost every time the nurse comes in the room (which is frequently). He still looks at me with disappointment crying, “They are going to hurt me. Why are you letting them hurt me??” It is heartbreaking.
But what he is seeing is that I will be there with him through hard things. I will be there to kiss him and hold his hand. And the more times he can experience that, the more his heart can heal. That, after all, continues to be the most important healing he will ever need to do.
Oh my goodness, thank you all for your sweet messages and good wishes. We have appreciated it so much!
Luckily surgery is over now, and Kai is doing great.
He woke up in a pretty good mood this morning, which made me a little sad because I knew what was in store for him today. Luckily they gave him Versed a little after we arrived in the surgery waiting room. For our guy, Versed is a wonderful thing. After only a couple of minutes Jeff asked him a question and Kai said, “Daddy, why do you have 2 mouths? There is another mouth next to your nose!” We figured that meant he was good to go. He didn’t seem to have a care in the world as we said goodbye and they wheeled him down the hall. That sure helps a momma’s heart.
The waiting is never fun, but I felt pretty calm today, and confident in our decision to travel to see this particular doctor who I have utmost faith in.
After several hours he came to give us the report that everything went well for the first portion of his surgery. We were able to talk to him for a while, and made a fairly good plan for his future procedures that I feel good about. He was very encouraging about his ultimate healing, which was fantastic.
The remainder of the surgery that was done by another surgeon was then completed, and seemed to go without issue.
Now we are back in the room. Kai was a bit uncomfortable, and very upset that he still cannot eat. Poor guy has to go another SEVEN days without eating!! It is heartbreaking. Since then however, the morphine has been doing its job and he has been mostly sleeping.
I’m taking some deep breaths now. We have some difficult days ahead of us, but I’m so happy to cross this particular one off the list!
We have had a rough couple of weeks at our house. First of all, as if Kai didn’t have enough going on in his poor little body, he developed a stye in his eye. (Our kids had a fantastic time making rhymes about Kai with a stye in his eye that he did NOT find funny). Anyway, that stye just got worse and worse, and after 5 doctor appointments and 4 different medications, he had to have surgery to remove not one but two cysts from his eyelid. This guy just doesn’t take the easy road.
Shortly after that we had not one, not two, but THREE kids with the FLU! These poor guys!! It was miserable and terrible for them, which of course I hated, but I have to say that there were moments I enjoyed. It is sad that it takes something like the flu to slow us down enough, but we had days full of snuggling, reading, watching movies, and not doing anything except being together. I didn’t hate that.
After recovery we jumped right back into life. Birthday parties, swim meets, school plays, and of course time with our current favorite newborn. (Our poor flu kids had to wait a torturous TEN days to get to meet their new cousin).
Then, all too soon we had to say some hard goodbyes. Kai had his last day of school, which was heart wrenching. This guy had the best possible introduction into the life of school. He ran into the building each school day with a huge grin, and constantly talked about his teachers as if they were his best friends in the entire world. When I think about how ambivalent I was about sending him this year, I am SO thankful that his teacher convinced me to send him. This preschool is a treasure.
Finally, we had some very hard goodbyes with our kiddos at home as we had to pack up our little guy for a not so fun road trip. Yesterday we spent all day in the car to drive to see the specialist that will perform surgery on Kai tomorrow. This will be the biggest and most important surgery Kai has had up to this point, and one we knew was coming even before we brought him home from China. He will still have more procedures in his future, but this is the really big one.
We checked into the hospital early today to get his body ready for the surgery. He had to have an NG tube placed in his nose and an IV in his tiny little vein in his arm. This poor guy. He has been miserable today through all of the things he has had to go through, and we haven’t even gotten to the actual hard stuff.
Tomorrow he will be in surgery for several hours. We will then remain in the hospital for over a week, and cannot return home for several days after that. In total we will be away from home for almost two weeks. That is hard on every one of us.
Still, I am grateful. So grateful that he is here in my arms today, and that he will never again have to have surgery without parents who adore him right there to hold his hand. Grateful that I have a team of moms who have traveled this road before me, and led me to this particular doctor who is the perfect person to perform Kai’s surgery tomorrow. Grateful for family that is loving on our other kids at home right now so that we can focus on just this child for right now. Grateful that my husband is here with me as we do this hard thing together. So grateful.
Send prayers our way!
A little over two years ago I had one of the best experiences of my life when I was present to photograph the birth of my first niece.
Three days ago I had the privilege to do this again, as my second niece came into the world, and the experience was just as amazing as the first time.
I actually didn’t get as many pictures this time as last time because everything happened SO quickly! Let me just say, these two were birth rock stars! Calm, composed, supportive, loving. It was incredible to watch.
Not to mention the other rock star. How amazing is it to have a sister who is a labor and delivery nurse when you are delivering a baby? Incredibly amazing. And we all got to see her in her element.
Can I just say that I really love these people? When I think about all of the blessings that came to me when I married my husband, my sisters are high on that list.
And getting to be an aunt? The absolute best.
I already adore you, baby Mae. Welcome to the family!