My Kid Circus

I got dressed this morning, walked out, and Z laughs out loud and says, “you look like you work at Target!!”.  I’m really not sure how to respond to this.  Target is his all-time favorite place, so should I consider it a compliment??  I know my wardrobe consists more of ‘clothes that are easy to throw on and get everyone out of the door in 10 minutes’ than fashionable attire, but am I really being made fun of by my 5 year old???  This does not look good for my future.

But later today, I had the little guy in time out, and baby K was having a complete melt-down.  Z patted my back and said, “I know it’s tough.  It is a little out of control, and that can be really tough.”  Wow.  He totally redeemed himself.

Well, Z is grounded.  Here is how it started:

Z was sitting at the counter playing with some play money.  I innocently said, “Oh, where did you get that?”.  Z then got quiet, and I saw the look that told me in no uncertain terms that he should not have that money.  I waited.  He told me that he got it at school.  After further questioning, he told me that he took it out of a cabinet that he wasn’t supposed to be in.  Great.

He seemed surprised when I pointed out that this was stealing.  At this point I went a little easy on him.  I told him that if he wanted to keep it then he had to ask his teacher if it was okay.  Otherwise, I told him, he had to put it back where he got it.  He reluctantly put it back in his bag.

So when I picked him up from school I asked him how it went.  He very happily told me, “Oh, it went great.  I tricked my teacher”.  I knew this wasn’t going to be good.  He then tells me that his teacher asked him if the money came from the classroom, but he just continued insisting that it didn’t. He thought the problem was then solved.

He saw that it wasn’t when I parked the car.  We walked back in to school, and I stood there while he apologized to his teacher for 1) stealing, and 2) lying. Yikes.

Still, at this point I put it behind us.

Then, yesterday I happened to ride in the back of the van next to him.  What do I see in his car seat cup holder, but more play money.  We were not alone in the car, so I wasn’t able to say everything I wanted to say, but I’m pretty sure my face turned purple.

So today I suffered humiliation along with him AGAIN, as I walked him into school to confess to the teacher.  Again.

Now he is grounded.  In 5 year old terms, this means that he is not allowed to watch television.  This is a harsh punishment to him.  Unfortunately, he is the only one who wants to watch T.V. on any given afternoon, so I had to kind of push my little guy into sitting on the couch and watching a show, just for the purpose of making Z “miss out” on it. Just admitting that makes me realize what ridiculous parenting that was.  Oh well.  Anyway, I think I am looking forward to this incident being over more than he is.  Although I’m thinking I better go check out his nightstand drawers…

Yesterday I took the kids to have their pictures taken.  As has been the case EVERY time that I have done this, it was a nightmare!!  My main purpose in taking the pictures was to get some good “1 year” pictures of K.  Well, she is right in the middle of the stranger anxiety stage, which was a major problem when I wanted her to sit down and smile while a STRANGER put a big camera in her face.  Not good.  She screamed, she cried.  She refused to stay on the picture mat.  Oy.

I tried bribing the boys with ice cream afterwards if they did a good job.  Well, the promise of ice cream was long forgotten when they had the immediate gratification of repeatedly spinning the stool they were supposed to be sitting on.  Oh, it was really fun to run around also.  And just forget following simple directions like, “sit down next to your sister”, or “smile”.  The photographer might as well have been speaking a foreign language.

We didn’t get any ice cream.

Of course, I am a mom.  I got sucked in and bought way too many pictures.  I really don’t know why.

Anyway, here is a little picture of what I was dealing with:

Well, we have continued with the choice to ignore the stutter, and it is definitely improving.  Still there, for sure, but not as bad as it was.  That is a relief.

I still went through days of torturing myself trying to figure out what had brought this on overnight.  I decided to have a serious talk with him.  I said, “Z, you know that you can tell me ANYTHING.  If something has been upsetting you, or there is something you are thinking or worrying about, we can always always talk about it.”.  He sat quietly and seemed to be thinking very seriously.  Then he looked up at me and said, “What’s in soap?”  WHAT????  So, I guess if that is what has been weighing heavy on his mind, then he is doing okay.

So, our newest parental worry around here is about Z.  At almost 5 1/2, he has acquired a stutter.

It all began after he saw an Arthur episode about stuttering, and told me that he thought it sounded, “cool”.  He began stuttering in a way that seemed intentional.  He would stop when we told him to stop, and it wouldn’t pop up again for a little while.

Then it got worse.  And worse.  Then I freaked out.

The intellectual, child therapist side of me said that this is some sort of phase.  My gut feeling was not to make a big deal about it and it would eventually go away.  Then the mom side of me overruled and said, “there is something wrong with my baby, I don’t know what it is,  AHHHHH!!”.  So, I took him to the doctor.  I told him for a while that if the stutter didn’t go away then that was what I was going to do.  So, I took him to the car and without any hint of a stutter he says, “That’s okay, Mommy.  I don’t need to go.  I’m all done stuttering”.  Hmm…

The intellectual side of me felt validated, the mom side of me still drove us to the doctor.  She listened to the situation.  She gave him a thorough evaluation, making sure that all of his neurological signs looked good (they did).  Then she tells me that it looks like just a phase.  She gave me a referral to speech therapist, but seemed skeptical that it was needed or would be helpful. She encouraged me just to wait it out.  So, that is what we are doing.  Waiting and trying to ignore…..

Just another day at the circus.

So yes, we kicked off K’s birthday with a call to poison control.  In the 12 seconds it took me to take a box of cereal out of the pantry, she managed to get a bottle of furniture polish, and when I turned around she had it covering her arms, legs, and mouth.  Ahh!

I grabbed the bottle where I immediately saw the “harmful or fatal if swallowed” label.  So, I very seriously told the boys that I had to call poison control, and they were able to hold it together while I talked to the very wonderful person on the other line.

Apparently, the biggest concern with that type of thing is if she had gotten it in her lungs.  Since she was not coughing and did not appear distressed at all, this seemed unlikely.  She reassured me that if K had not swallowed more than a teaspoonful, which I knew she had not, then she would really be fine.

I had a few tears over it, and a few minutes of feeling like the worst mother in the world for starting off my daughter’s first birthday like that, but then was just grateful it was okay.

Unfortunately, that was not the only call that I have ever made  to poison control.  It was my fourth.  (Yikes, I am truly ashamed to admit that).  Surprisingly enough, none of those calls were for wild man D.  They were all 3 for Z!

The first call I can attribute to me being an overly cautious first time mom, since I think I called when he got approximately 2 drops of body soap in his mouth.  Yes, I can laugh about that now, but it was very serious at the time.

The second time was when he drank a good bit of a bottle of baby Motrin.  I knew he was playing with the bottle while I was changing his diaper, but I guess I got so involved in the clean up that I didn’t even realize that he got the top off of it.  That taught me several huge lessons.  Child proof caps are SO not child proof, and kids can manage to get into trouble with their hands even when you are holding their feet.  Useful information for a first time mom!

The third time, he was really old enough to know better.  He ate almost a full travel sized tube of children’s toothpaste.  That time, the man who answered laughed and said, “I get this call every day of the week”.  Needless to say, he was fine, and I did find it reassuring that there are lots of other mothers frantically calling about toothpaste.

When you call poison control, they take down all of your information (after they talk you through your crisis).  I have never had any problem with this, but after my most recent call I started worrying.  I have had to call FOUR times!!  Yikes!  At some point, I’m afraid that my name is going to be flagged (or maybe it already has been!). I’m hoping there won’t be a next time for me to call, but if there is, I think I better accidentally lose our connection right at that point.

Today is my sweet baby K’s first birthday. I cannot even believe it.  With Z, the first year seemed to go very slowly. I was so excited to celebrate his first birthday and looking forward to what is to come.  With D it went a little faster, but with K, wow.

The day she was born was definitely an answer to my prayers and as I got to hold my long awaited daughter.  I am so very thankful to get to be her mom.

And later I will share the story of how we kicked off the day with a call to poison control, but right now I am just going to celebrate the day.

Yesterday we had some friends over after school.  This was a particularly fun playdate because we picked up those friends after school, so we had my 2 boys plus the 2 friends all in the back of the van coming home.  Z and D were over the top excited about having company in the car.

I have to admit that I have always loved hearing conversations between my kids and their friends.  It always makes me laugh to hear what they choose to talk about.  This time, I saw that there was a definite difference between the conversations of 3 year olds, and conversations of 5 year olds.

The 3 year olds went like this:

D- ” I like Buzz Lightyear.  We can play Buzz Lightyear.  I have Woody too.”

Friend- ” Okay.”

The five year olds, however, were a bit more entertaining.  It started out like this:

Friend-  ”I have a baby.  She doesn’t move around or anything”.

Z-  ” Does she throw up?”

Then, I heard the friend say, “I will tell you a secret.”  Z then loudly announced to me that they were going to be telling secrets.  I think he was trying to tell me that I was not supposed to listen.  I’m not quite sure what I was supposed to do.  I was just driving the van, minding my own business.

Anyway, of course I listened when I heard that they were telling “secrets”.  Here is their conversation:

Friend- “You know who is disobedient, and does something inappropriate every day at school?”  (Yes, this friend has quite the vocabulary!)

Z-”  Who?”

Friend-  ”Sarah.  She kisses Tommy every day!”

Z-” WHY?!?!”

Friend- “She wants to marry him”.

Z- “I don’t want to marry ANYBODY!”

Friend: “Well, I want to marry somebody.  But I know who it ISN’T going to be….  Sarah.  That’s for sure!”

Ha ha ha!  I loved it.  Just please don’t tell Mr. Z that I was not only listening, but blogging about their “secret”!

I know a lot of people think their first children are  smart.  We have always suspected that Z was pretty smart, but now I will share with you the reasons why we believe he is actually a genius.

It all started when he was just barely walking.  He couldn’t yet speak, but his favorite book was “Brown Bear Brown Bear, What do you See?”.  Anyway, one day we were telling someone that was his favorite book, and the second he heard us say “Brown Bear”, he waddled back to his room as quickly as possible, and waddled back to us carrying the book.  I know.  Crazy.

So, the next evidence we got was when Z was about a year and a half.  We were at the beach, and my husband was wearing a Nike t-shirt.  We were just walking around and Z put his hand on his shirt, looked at his dad, and said “Nike”.  He pronounced it like “bike”, but still.  Pretty advanced reading for an 18-month old.

So, that definitely set the stage and brings us to 5 year old Z.  In general, he tends to be a deep thinker, and asks great questions.  One day, he said to me, “Mommy, where did God come from?”.  I reply with, “That is a great question.  What do you think?”  He considers it carefully and then says, “I think a long long time ago there was nothing there.  Then there was a big explosion and then there were stars and planets and everything.  And God was there in the kaboom”.  So, maybe his theory was slightly different, but yes, he basically came up with the Big Bang Theory.

Clearly, a genius.

Okay I am almost embarrassed to be publishing this in February, but it is what it is.  Maybe some of our Christmas memories can bring you some February holiday cheer.

Definitely one of the highlights of the holiday season was the church Christmas pageant.  This year both of the boys were old enough to participate, and I was so excited that they were both going to be sheep, and their cousins were both going to be angels.  Too cute.

So, first we have rehearsal.  The little guy is everywhere but where he is supposed to be.

Behind the communion table

On the left, trying to sit down

Hiding between my legs, under a pew

So, at this point I am pretty worried about the actual pageant, on Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve comes.  On the way to church, we see this billboard.

I’m sure this looks familiar.  It is, after all, kind of a Christmas icon.  Anyway, Z yells, “Hey, why is Santa drinking that wine??”.

Well, Santa could have used some wine by the end of this night.  We got to church in time for the pageant, and got in our seats.  Z was sitting nicely with the shepherds and sheep ready to do his part, but little D immediately said that he was NOT going to do it.  When it came time for their part, he luckily changed his mind, and dutifully followed his big brother down to the front of the church.  At first we were all pleasantly surprised that both boys seemed to be doing what they were supposed to.

Then came a period of sitting ‘quietly’ for the shepherds and sheep while the bigger roles were speaking.  We see D look at his big brother, take off his sheep ears, and put them on him, so Z had 2 sets of ears.  Z did not like this at all.  Somehow within seconds the sheep were wrestling!  It definitely started with my 2, but the other 3 sheep thought this looked like a good idea.  I tried to sneak down and quiet the chaos, but it didn’t do much good.

I am hopeful that the other parents were so busy watching their own little angels that they didn’t realize where the chaos began.  We all at least got a good laugh out of it.  One woman came up to me afterwards and said, “hey, that is why they call it the barnyard service”.  I hadn’t heard that before, but I guess our little sheep were keeping it real.